It is part of human nature to quickly blame someone else for the problems we face in life. That is because we want people’s validation. We want them to notice us more and listen to the words that come out of our mouth. We want attention. We want our partners to see that we are worthy of their time. We want to be in a relationship that we know is not perfect but at least creates a contribution to our overall development. But wanting all of these things, are we sure we are also putting the same amount of effort for our significant other on the table? Can we show the same attentiveness to our partner? If there is this uncertainty, then perhaps we should listen to what psychologists have to say about our ability to handle a relationship.
Every relationship seeker has a unique set of reasons for why they are still single, which sets the scene for how much dating energy is left to risk. No one can tell another person when to try again, when to retreat, what to change, or how to approach the next opportunity. — Randi Gunther Ph.D.
The thing about the relationship is that people do not immediately learn to love someone. It takes a lot of effort, honesty, trust, loyalty, experience, bonding moments, and commitments to be able to secure a connection. Therefore, if someone in the relationship is not in the right mindset, all are going to get wasted. There will be tons of heartbreaks, anxiety, and even depression. So how will we determine if we are capable of handling a relationship?
We Put Others Happiness Firsts Before Ours
Yes, it is healthy when we try and prioritize our overall well-being. However, there is a thin line between finding balance and just being selfish. People will tell us that for us to love someone, we need to love ourselves first. That is true. We need to find ourselves first to know what necessary things we can contribute emotionally and mentally in a relationship. But being selfish is different. Because when a selfish individual attempt to show love to someone even if it is just a little, there is an automatic buildup of anxiety. The person will start to worry that everything will not last and all the things in the relationship will soon end in no time. However, when we are not deeply troubled with decision-making, and we always confront our pain and realize the areas we need to develop, we can certainly understand how a relationship should go.
If you’re trying to fill a void, you’ve probably not completed the “solo inner work” that needs to be accomplished so that you can see yourself as a whole, complete person without the need to be attached to another to complete you. — Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D.
We Know We Are Not Always Right
It is essential for both people in the relationship to feel hurt. That is necessary for growing and learning. However, pride often gets in the way of that. It is the most damaging thing that destroys a relationship. But when we know it is not worthy of being always right, then that means losing someone is. When we are not reluctant to apologize for our mistakes, and we value our partners’ feelings, then that is where we know our relationship matters. We do not fear of admitting that we are at fault at some things. We don’t complain about whether our partners will be responsible for handling conflicts either. What matters to us is the better measures we need to take in the future to avoid repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
Our Happiness Does Not Depend On Our Partner
It is okay to feel anxious every time we get away from our partners. However, there is no point in getting lost without them. If we entirely love our significant others, we don’t look at them as someone who can become an emotional protector. Our partners can also feel pain, and they also get worried at times. Therefore, thinking that they are invincible in everything is a worse thing to do. So when we fully understand that our happiness is not measured by possession, only then we can guarantee ourselves that we can handle the mishaps of the relationship no matter what. When we understand that codependency will only result in a lack of self-esteem, we can immediately take control and do things accordingly.
When you accept and love yourself, you don’t need someone else’s approval or love, and you are likely to believe that you will find someone who you will love, and who will love you. — LESLIE BECKER-PHELPS, PHD
Honestly, it is not about who was wrong or right in the relationship. What matters is the focus we and our significant others have to handle the issues of the relationship individually. No can tell us how we should manage a commitment because every individual differs in their needs. And as long as we are competent in learning and developing ourselves for the better, then we can say that things will soon become okay. The relationship creates no certainty. The only way we positively handle is by determining how much we are willing to give and sacrifice to make the relationship work.